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Uncanny how this song's currently played on air while I write this post.
I'm losing faith.
In religion.
My apologies first if you think I'm sprouting blasphemies. You can stop reading at this point.
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"Things happen for a reason," people say.
What might those reasons be? I don't see them anywhere at all.
The only reason I see, is in the word 'un-reason-able'.
In case my friends start worrying, no I'm not going through a rough patch and I'm still thankful for what I have. However, there are also incidents that make me really pissed off. With life. With loads of stuff.
What's the point in being good, if good doesn't beget good? Someone's gonna tell me that I'm just ranting coz things aren't going my way, that goodness should come from the bottom of my heart, and I shouldn't be hoping for repayment blah blah blah BLAH... I really try to be a nice person, but sometimes I can't control my disgruntlement and I am truly annoyed with life.
So I believe(d). And then? If the definition of believe, is 'to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so', then I shouldn't believe since I do not have confidence in the truth or existence anymore.
The positivity which I usually maintain, now reminds me of a simpleton's mentality. HELLO!!! THE WORLD ISN'T SMURF LAND OR BARBIE WORLD!!! Sure there are ponies and butterflies and flowers, but they come with pony shit, caterpillar infested plants and withered leaves too.
I just don't know who to hold responsible for the good and the bad. God? Buddha? Life? Fate? People around me? Myself? Don't say I'm not alone or that '一切皆空'. I know the theory, but it still stumps me.
Gosh! Could that be the reason why Tom Cruise chose Scientology, coz absurdity seems easier to comprehend? Maybe God or Buddha or Allah or some Higher Power could explain to me. Don't strike me with lightning okay? I'm just a curious, antsy, whiny ninny.
Before I end, hear me sing this R.E.M's song:
That's me in the corner*zap*
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
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